I’m throwing my own birthday party this year. Sunday September 6 @ the P&H. Come celebrate the impending end of Summer by rocking your face off with great local music. 5$ cover – Be Nice Or Leave. Continue reading Puh Arty
Category Archives: P & H Cafe
Boxes
Compartments
with thin walls
Flowing together
into Mountains.
Safety in the hills.
Cells
of cardboard.
Keeping together
a body of work
Resting fetus-like
Waiting for enough
Gestation.
Rooms
in a row of homes.
More used the better
because I can’t
have nice things.
Durability makes
Antiques.
Cubicles
in a maze
with no cheese.
Footsore and weary
Limbs aching
Strained. FullRelaxation
Rare.
Lost & Found
The most painful thing I’ve ever heard is a stranger’s casual observation. After pouring out my feelings of worthlessness and despair in group therapy a 22-year old states, “It sounds like you’re just playing the victim.”
I didn’t stop crying for 3 hours. He’d seen straight to my problem, in a way. I am a victim. Attempting to play as NOT a victim has colored most of my social behavior. I want to be perceived as strong and in my world that means not complaining.
A lifetime of trying to please other people conditioned me well. I can take a lot of abuse. Fighting every instinct to do things my way, I based my decisions on someone else’s moral compass. Selfish people are not good role models.
That is, the conservation of my self is my only defense. Just get through it. I found a number of allies along the way and my undying loyalty to friends preserved the most important people. I had to let myself go a little crazy just to break the carbonite encasing my inner artist. Now I’m leaking personality all over the place and have faith in the universe and everything. Go with the flow.
I’ll miss some things. Nothing that obvious. The truth is, I’m pretty spectacular. No one can make me feel otherwise unless I let them. Thanks Eleanor. Is rejecting an abusive matriarchy part of becoming a feminist? Maybe I’m just multitasking my recovery.
Fashion Holes
If it’s possible, I will get a series of strategic body piercings I’m able to attach clothing to. Then I will custom drape everything I wear based on my mood and the occasion.
If people hang themselves from hooks, this must already be a thing. Right?
Grave Rolling
In seventh grade, I sprouted breasts. In the eighth grade, the most eligible boy in my class wanted to go steady with me. I was so excited. My mom and I didn’t relate on much so the scoring of high quality boy attention was prime pre-Prime Time TV conversation.
Mom, can I go to the movies this weekend?
Who with?
Lou.
Lou?
Yeah.
Oh, honey.
What?
You can’t go out with him.
Why not?
You’ll give Pappy a heart attack.
Red Dress
Look out, she’s got the red dress on. The dress I wear when I don’t give a fuck. My clothes meant for the Emperor lost in translation.
So many feats of architechture, illusion, smoke… covering up the natural beauty being. Just be. It’s not good or bad. Don’t ask if the dress makes you look fat – ask if it makes you feel good.
Too much ego is bad for the spine.
The Stare, Starring Stove
I published a poem in the school literature book in 3rd grade.
I jotted it on a piece of paper during lunch hour. It describes the way someone feels when they are getting stared at. I used the same free form bullshit I’m spewing now but I’m pretty sure it rhymed. As with all my work, the title introduces the piece so we don’t have to waste time with context.
In the final printing of the book my poem The Stare is titled The Stove. It still kinda worked. At least, everyone said they got it. Whatever. I wish that boy would just talk to me.
I’m at the P&H enjoying the unwitting company of strangers. Mosquitoes finding me inside the bar. Shadows walking up on my left. Passing me by, most every time. Nothing can really phase me once I’m sliced open. The shock alone grants me an amiable demeanor.
Music has a way of smoothing over every situation. Next stop, Dave Cousar at the Buccaneer.
5-dolla Lifestyle
I know a wise Canadian name Gwarsbane that lives by a simple rule. If a game isn’t 5$ or under, he probably won’t buy it. Nothing personal against all the people that want to pay more. He finds that it’s more fun to play many cheap games where he periodically finds gold nuggets instead of investing in the one polished gem. At least, that’s how I see it.
I feel the same way about entertainment. Not sure if I mentioned a 5$ lifestyle last summer, but it was definitely on my mind. I look at the options before me and think about what I’d get for a Lincoln. Not a lot in most parts of the city. However, if you just want to buy a coke, roughly 2$, you can be the bartender’s best friend with that $5. Or barista, ahem, for that matter.
Then it comes down to the ambiance. Always with the ambiance! Why do people want to be there. Me? I look for spots you’d find in postapocalyptic Frost poetry.
June 25
I did many things today.