Knowing who I am doesn’t explain how I got here. Despite drastically different circumstances the same weaknesses keep me from progressing. How do I level up if I can’t find the next goal? Awkwardness isn’t terminal but ignorance might be. I wear red flags like a dress. Specifically to keep people at bay but also because my flaws are my best attributes. I’d rather be ignored than underestimated, if I have to choose. I manage myself better than anyone else can at this point.

When I show up to a shift the supervisor literally hands me a written list of things to do. Conversely, my coworker is given no instructions as he hangs out and chats with the boss. He, of course, isn’t avoiding work because there is always something to do in a kitchen. The difference is no one feels the need to manage him. Meanwhile I’m so micromanaged I barely have time to take a piss. Do they not see the disparity? Are they trying to get me to quit?

My focus on the future is to help advance practical women. Prejudice is the same across all boards. People in control want to remain in control. Acknowledging it’s happening is not the same as doing something about it. Whichever token representative makes affirmative action the most painless will get the position. After that, the regime is content to keep oppressing anything not wealthy enough to undermine the values of the controlling class.

Some of this might sound incendiary but there’s a reason for every perspective. I’m not attacking any individuals when disparaging the world we live in. I don’t have anything against anyone’s existence. I just want it acknowledged. Someone has got to admit they see what I see. Otherwise I’m a crackpot and essentially worthless. Which has been a suspicion for quite some time. Searching for meaning is a losing game and if I could stop I would. It’s just that every time I wake up and see the world for what it is I’m back in the mouth of madness.