Stuck between two regulars that have accepted their fate, I’m depressed. I can feel the spot on the left side of my temple where I want to push the barrel in deep. I can feel the other side of my skull exploding outward, making such a mess. I don’t want to leave anything for people to clean up. I’m not inconsiderate, just hopeless. My own parents have disowned me. My sisters pity me. Friends pretend to support me until I actually need help. The warm sting of my presence is a good reminder of how bad it could be. The threat of my absence slowly gains appeal.

I stopped going to the Magic Hat. Even professional audience members lose momentum when left alone. I tried a few different avenues and was rejected at every turn. The best I can do is remind people how talented they are in contrast to my mediocrity. Not a sustainable living. I don’t feel any ability to express myself anymore. I once thought I could write something that might speak to people beyond my scope but have since learned that nobody reads anymore. My efforts are wasted and the best I can hope for at this point is early death.