My date last night was pleasant. He’s a persistent fellow. Kept in touch with me on Tinder for weeks, a notoriously inconsistent medium. Rewarding dedication, we met in person and chatted about all types of things. He let me ask questions about growing up in another culture and I talked intelligently about yoga with another human for the first time in months. His interest in me seems genuine, even if it’s misplaced. Overall the experience was a 5 of 10 – mainly because we were at the Mecca and that adds an automatic +2 to any situation.
He’s nice looking and well-spoken. In my younger days that’s all I needed to spark interest. Hobbies and passions could be whatever I was handed as long as I didn’t have to be alone. Now I’m comfortable in my own skin and personal changes are less capricious. If someone shares my interest I like to enjoy it with them but I’m not looking for hollow gestures. I don’t want to date someone that says they like what I like just to be near me. That used to satisfy me. Now it feels oppressive. I question how much respect I have for someone willing to follow my lead. I’m not someone to emulate.
Feigning interest in someone’s hobbies is a classic way to start conversations with attractive strangers. Oh yeah, I love that band or That’s my favorite movie too, omg. Lines used at bars where ritualistic courtships precede impulsive connections. You won’t have to actually listen to the band or watch the movie, just let them believe you will. The quick carnal pleasure of that night (or weekend) is made sweeter by white lies. Soft caresses and whispers about beauty. Moans and whimpers as both people search for meaning with their tongues.
These days, platitudes about my interests are a sure sign I won’t connect. I don’t respect insincerity no matter how politely it is offered. Quality over quantity when it comes to conversation. Anyone that is initially attentive to me is immediately suspect. Everyone’s first impression is of my hair or my tits or sometimes my legs. Nothing to write home about but definitely an appealing partner for one-night standing. If someone wants to get into my pants and is able to express that without being a creep it usually pays off. Candor is so underappreciated on first dates.
If you do pretend to have something in common with me, at least be honest about your involvement. I mention writing – “Oh, I write!” Cordially inquire what they write about and most people confess they don’t actually write. Turns out they just think about what they would write about. Or they used to write in a journal in college. I try not to be offended by this complete dismissal of something I name as my passion. I’m accustomed to disregard, either for my tone or my timbre. Still, I can fantasize about climbing a mountain without casually claiming to be a hiker.
There’s no good reason not to go on a second date with this person. Staying open to a connection even if it seems unlikely. Time spent with a kind, intelligent person is never wasted. I just hope he’s inclined to show more of his actual personality. First meetings come with nerves and no one can really be themselves. Willingness to hang out again should be all the confirmation he needs to open up a little. I don’t spend time with people I don’t want to be around. And I need someone to take a little initiative. I’m exhausted making all these moves on my own.