If I hear anyone talk about seeing a new Godzilla movie, I immediately lose respect. Nothing about any Godzilla movie is ever new. It’s all the same terrorific drama in a different sequence. I believed the tiny Japanese scientists just as much as Matthew Broderick. The most innovative thing a Godzilla movie ever did was battle Mothra. Or something. I’m not sure if I’m jealous of their ignorance or bliss. Continue reading The New Godzilla
I had two dates in the past week. Both went down on me before it was over. Both used an approach that not only disappoints but is almost uncomfortable. Imagine someone trying to kiss you without using lips. Now add a vigorous side-to-side motion that resembles blowing raspberries on a belly. Initially innocuous, the resulting effect is me pushing away from the sensation. If given the opportunity I offer instructions but, for the most part, I strongly encourage hand stuff. I know how to get off and it usually doesn’t require saliva. I know I taste good. That’s no reason to forget your manners. Continue reading Goin’ Down West
I stopped reading Facebook about a week ago. Instead I let people at the local bar update me on the news. Ironically, I’m still on Twitter where no one ever mentions Trump’s tweets. It must be the eye of the storm or something. Can’t possibly be that Facebook is the main engine fueling the hype in modern media. That would be crazy talk. Then again, that’s my Native American honorific – Crazy Talk. Seriously. I was inducted into a tribe during one particularly expansive mescaline-induced spirit quest. It involved lots of menthol and Clint Mansell.
Smokestacks spewing immobile
Busy port frozen in perpetuity
Nothing on the horizon moves
While you are watching
Forever crawling skyward
Razor-toothed skyline
Sizeable conifers grinning
Bigger than a bus, you think?
Ferryboats slice through the scene
Lumbering between lands
I’m the first to admit I’m crazy. I try to spin it in a lovable way, letting my mania envelope friends in fun most of the time. I don’t have any enemies I know of and can speak my mind with most people. Despite efforts to remain considerate I can’t control how people receive my bounty. The type of energy I deal with has a lot to do with location. Proximity, elevation, latitude, orbits – I consider multiple factors when making important decisions. As a result, I feel my choices are grounded. Time elapses, I eventually say what I’m thinking. Continue reading My Sanity
Upon divorcing, I changed my entire approach to dating. I used to go for what I want fairly directly without many complaints. My opening of, “Hey, I want you,” generally followed with “Uhm, okay.” Hardly resounding enthusiasm but I didn’t really require that. Generally my hapless victim hung around until I wanted something different, usually 3 to 6 months later. Serial monogamy is what they call it. Sometimes, significant bonds formed and losses were painful. That never stopped me from moving on. I didn’t feel capricious because I thought that was dating. In hindsight, I call it coping. Continue reading Eagerness
Sitting behind a group of friends playing games together. I’m at work and playing a video game. The game is a grind because nothing in my life is easy right now and my mind wandered. Only voices to me, I developed caricatures of the group at my back. The main voice, describing the game seems tall and thin. The others are a various smattering of the Rat Pack mixed with the Lil’ Rascals. I can’t say there’s a huge span of demographic in my images. Most of my visual thoughts occur in grayscale. There’s a smattering of sepia when I’m feeling nostalgic. I’m just not that great of an artist. Continue reading Is it 2 1’s or 2?
Ugh, I feel ugly today.
Why do you say that?
I need a haircut, there’s a zit the size of Mount Rainier on my chin and all of my jeans are too tight so clearly I’m fat. I’m surprised your face hasn’t melted off just looking at me.
Your hair is fine, acne is temporary and you are a size 8 – that’s not fat.
But I FEEL fat.
Then stop it.
*rolls eyes* It’s that easy?Not any harder than going for a walk.
That’s not going to fix anything.
Have you tried it?
*sigh* No. I get sore whenever I go walking.
That’s what it feels like to get stronger.
It hurts?
Essentially. Challenges make us stronger so if it’s easy you probably aren’t making any progress.
But it’s easier.
Yes. And fruitless.
I don’t care about the fruit. I just don’t want to feel bad about myself anymore.
Let’s start by walking.
Fine.
As for the zit, that’s why we have concealer.
I know.
So why don’t you use it?
Because makeup is the most successful gender discriminating ploy designed by the patriarchy to oppress women. I refuse to be a pawn in their mind games.
Oooookay. But it does make you prettier.
It’s also too expensive.
Can’t argue with that. Like I said, the zit is temporary. Just forget about it.
Fine but that still leaves this mess of hair on top of my head.
Don’t worry, that’s taken care of.
Oh?
We’re walking to the salon.
You’re a genius.
I know.
I’ve never been fond of umbrellas. Navigating rain in Memphis meant getting to and from a car at varying distances from buildings. Almost none of the places I frequent require anything but a hop, skip or jump from my car door. Opening and closing an umbrella was more annoying than useful. Out here in Seattle, I often see value in a miniature shelter. When you’re waiting at the same uncovered bus stop every morning, or walking a mile to reach said bus stop, there’s great reason to having an umbrella on hand. Just like driving your own car is more convenient. However, there’s a point where you need to park the umbrella and commute like the rest of us. Continue reading Umbrellas