Category Archives: Book

Practice Makes Progress

Art, Book, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Reasons for Things, Stories

I can now sing almost all of the Silent All These Years melody to myself whenever I want to.  That doesn’t mean it sounds good.  However, I can keep the same-ish key the whole time and not lose track of where I am.  That’s definite progress.  It’s the funniest thing.  For the longest time I couldn’t carry a note with or without music playing.  My karaoke performance is on par with Elaine’s dancing.  I can’t seem to hear and sing at the same time.  Until now.  There is one song I can sing in the shower and have since the movie came out – Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid.  Formative on so many levels.  Continue reading Practice Makes Progress →

Big Lights, Large City

Book, Daily Life, First Impressions, mur, Quick Thoughts, Random, Stories

I’ve gone to large concerts before. Most of them were to see something I had conjured in my mind while listening to music with my eyes closed. The actual experience was often a disappointment. It took me a long time to learn the difference between loud and good. And of course, this was all before I discovered dancing like no one is watching.  The show last night was so good it might nab a place on my top 5 list.  I’m certainly more than willing to do it again and that’s more than I can say for most things south of downtown.  Continue reading Big Lights, Large City →

Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, mur, Quick Thoughts, Rants, Reasons for Things

As I’d learn, he was my excuse for not wanting to go home. The boys in my life are traditionally buffers against the women who hate me.  Not literally, but that’s the sum of it.  My father never protected me from my mother so I look for solace in the dominant male presence.  I know they have the ability to cut down inflated female egos, especially when they are pretty.  I can cut down a bitch in the mean way.  The don’t-get-back-up way.  Continue reading →

You must be Trippin

Art, Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, il poeta, mur, Rants, Reasons for Things, Stories

I’m a seed. That’s what I’ve learned. I’m a seed that’s been planted in Seattle. I’ve taken root. I’m in a spot I can maintain, at least for now. Even more than that, I have garden space to plant more seeds. Enough room to house someone I really like. Though, not many people fit that description. But if that someone wanted to give Seattle a go, I’ve got a place to temporarily house them. Most of the people I like could even get a job at the Space Needle. To start, at least.

Right now this list only has one person on it. They know who they are.   Continue reading You must be Trippin →

Morning Revelry

Book, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Random, Rants, Reasons for Things, Stories

I woke up with the taste of bile in my throat.  My dreams were full of me choking and hacking, vomiting repeatedly.  I was back in my parents’ house for a big family gathering.  Smiling and done up business casual I excused myself repeatedly for emetic purposes.  No one really noticed or cared.  Parties like that are just collections of uncomfortable people waiting it out.  I could traipse through the living room dressed as Dr. Frank N. Furter and the most reaction would be nervous giggles with an occasional, “Oh my!”  What’s worse, almost no one would get the reference.  Continue reading Morning Revelry →

Candy

Art, Book, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Yoga

I order an Amazon Pantry shipment about once a month. That means I only get candy once a month. It’s like a game. Let’s see how long I can make this candy last. I would rather have a little bit of sugar every day than all the sugar I want with dry spells. It’s how I’ve approached almost every vice I have. I don’t indulge enough to leave myself wanting. I’ve started applying this to my emotional attachments with varying success.  Continue reading Candy →

Least Complicated

Art, Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, mur, Quick Thoughts

That feeling when the universe is a massive expanding void of entropy but everything’s okay because you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.  Continue reading Least Complicated →

Sometimes

Book, mur, Random, Rants, Stories

It’s all the same.  The boy you do like and the boy you don’t like.  They are the same person with different things showing.   Once you know we’re all the same it’s easier to stop caring what people think.  The isolation is still a challenge.  I play a subversive game without even trying.  Hyper-awareness is a symptom of an abusive upbringing, so they tell me.  I’m wedge-shaped and there are times I can’t get out of the way even when I want to. It makes me a frustrating person to keep around.  Continue reading Sometimes →

PC Dump – Okayabortion 8/20/2007

Book, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Reasons for Things, Stories

I found this little nugget of self awareness from 2007.  Originally I had written a note to a friend that I believed would think less of me for having an abortion.  She and her husband tried to conceive for over a decade before finally carrying a baby to term.  My self-hatred was at dangerous levels from being depressed for most of my adult life.  In the end, misguided emotions can still yield positive results.  That “friend” turned out to be a manipulative egomaniac, so I deleted the part about asking her forgiveness.

Mostly, I want to share the part where I am just beginning to realize what kind of energy I have around me.  I’m not blaming other people for my problems and I’m trying to find an outlet for my grief.  The self I am now is just starting to stir in the darkness.  I was still 2 years away from finding yoga and about 6 years shy of seeking therapy but at least I know I needed help.  My depression was an insurmountable burden and here I’m still concerned with the comfort of others.  I had so much to learn.   Continue reading PC Dump – Okayabortion 8/20/2007 →