Category Archives: Book

The Serfsons

The most recent Simpsons episode is pretty great. I could really feel the Fuck You’s in the writing. Clearly still written by men, there’s a short speech about a girl becoming a woman who wants to be a mother and I totally understand the contextual nature of the situation but a run-on sentence is the only way to express my dissatisfaction at the misplaced sentiment. Life is about change and not everything is for everyone.  I don’t expect to be right about everything yet I’m completely sure of myself. The past few years were about learning to fall gracefully. Getting back up? That happens at your own pace. Continue reading The Serfsons

Perhaps.

The story is complete. I didn’t find the villain until the very end and surprise, it’s not actually me. Shedding the last of my childhood trappings, I finally shaved my head completely. Fulfilling a 21-year old desire, it brought me right back to the center of the wheel. Less of a fool, I’m sure of the magician inside me. The next few symbolic roles may or may not play into the story but I’m going all the way up to the Tower. Everything after that is just sycophantic fluff. Continue reading Perhaps.

What A Difference

Driving toward the airport at 3am, I’m mildly annoyed. Not that I’m driving, but that I spent my birthday alone. Dave was asleep because of this 3am flight. Dan was throwing a fit about some drunk tease I whispered to him the night before. Matt was available but only to have me come to his place – not what I’m into. If anyone wants to get into my birthday suit-pants they have to do the requisite legwork. Consequently, I stumbled home alone at midnight and watched Project Runway quietly while Dave slept in the other room. Born to lose, I’m used to disappointment during supposedly special occasions. I would have had more fun at work. Continue reading What A Difference

Scott Rosen

“Do you mind if your partner smells bad?” is one of the questions that matched us at 89%. He answered, “Not as important as you may think.” Looking around the condo expertly manicured in a tetris of modern American style, I’m not so convinced. Easy-going isn’t one of his strengths. And yet he seems so relaxed. Perhaps that’s the independent wealth he gained from childhood tragedy. After all, that is why we forgive Batman for spending his wealth on narcissism instead of something useful. Sure, capricious vigilante justice looks like a good idea but do you know how many orphans we can feed with that same budget? Continue reading Scott Rosen

Losing My Religion

Slightly better than a functional alcoholic, I’m a stoner yogi. Turns out old hippies are thin because eating isn’t as important once you’re enlightened. Or at least lightened. There’s an IPA on tap here called Bodhizafa. Some guy told me that’s a word for monks who achieve enlightenment but then choose to come back and share their wisdom with the rest of us. My immediate response, “Lazy bastards.” Moderately surprised, the guy asks for an explanation. And I tell him the secret, “Achieving enlightenment isn’t the hard part. Staying there is the trick. I’ve experienced zen at least half a dozen times in my short life. Keeping your mind there is the hard part. Those guys are full of shit – they who cannot do, teach.” Continue reading Losing My Religion

I’m Glad Hillary Didn’t Win

Contrarian by nature, this sentiment probably doesn’t surprise my friends. Just keep in mind, I was against Hillary running back in 2008. I wasn’t swayed by Bernie fever or decide to rally against Trump. I don’t think Hillary Clinton is a good choice for president of the United States. Just as much a criminal as our current president when it comes to shady financial dealings, she got a chance to meddle on the national level back in the 90s and has been stalking the presidency like a ticking crocodile ever since. That’s just the first reason I’m glad she didn’t win, chronologically speaking.
Continue reading I’m Glad Hillary Didn’t Win

How To Leave Home

The key to my sanity is not using Facebook for anything substantial. I didn’t have one until 2014 and only created it for professional purposes. After leaving Memphis, I discovered the network’s draw in a whole new way. A deep connection to Facebook blurs reality and interpreting anything through the lens of etiquette established on the internet is risky at best. Facebook especially seems to have an elaborate set of rules about communication and privacy to the degree my own mother’s feelings are hurt when I don’t accept her friend request. Apparently sharing a blood supply isn’t a reassuring enough relationship. Continue reading How To Leave Home

Hiking

I went snowmobiling in Steamboat Springs, CO when I was 16. All of my good vacations were other families’ trips and this was no exception. On the first day, we took ski lessons. I had the muscle tone of a veal cutlet at the time so the result was lots of falling down. The very next thing we did was ski lift to the top of the mountain where there was a very nice restaurant. The plan was to ski down. With me and an 8-year old in the party, the decision was made to take the winding green circle path to get back to the lodge. Continue reading Hiking